Description:

Rule of Thumb — Humorous Tales of Perversion and Acceptance was written primarily to offend and embarrass my parents in a cheap attempt at blackmailing them into giving me money to keep it from ever seeing the light of day.

These stories are bizarre and fantastic, yet at each one's center is a strangely recognizable gem. Something to take home. A sort of twisted moral. A rule of thumb. A message of love, loss, and the longing for acceptance we all feel, no matter how weird the world thinks we are.

In this book, a heterosexual hippie mans a gay-sex chat line, a child prodigy reproduces masterpieces in Play-doh, a high-school marching band drummer finds his cowbells give him power over the cheerleading squad, a curmudgeonly old yenta tries to perform an abortion on her dog, and a Kinko's employee engages in a love affair with a copy machine. These tales are intermixed with stories from the author's own neurotic life, tales involving erectile enhancers and anxiety drug studies.