If you read my last comment for your other preview, then you know that I kinda liked your other story. It would be one of those things that "If I happened to come across it, I would buy it," type thing. I am sorry to say that, to me, vampires, warewolves, zombies, ect. are a bit of jaded demons, dating back to the early 1200's! So why do we still say the same Dracula stories from almost 1,000 years ago?
My vote is that if you are writing a story about a monster, either make up a new monster that is easy to understand, like a vampire (not literally, this is an example) in which you need to know that it hates light and sucks blood to stay alive. So either make up a new monster OR write about one that not too many people know about. I like to write about undiscovered being, Jersey Devil, Chupacabras, Big Foot. It leaves the reader at my mercy, because more often than not, all the background information of the monster is coming from the story, not a B-rate horror picture.
My rating is 3 out of 6, but if I were a big vampire and zombie fan, I would give it a 4 or 4.5. Again, watch for the comma usage and breaking of your sentences.