Would you guys mind doing a destruct on my work?

[mercsmaniaatrockdotcom]

I hope I'm not causing offence by posting here, as I am aware that you guys produce some amazing RPGs and I am a gamer myself, so I am aware of the complexity, depth and seriousness of your work, however I feel you can be of use to myself...

I got into RPGs via the Fighting Fantasy novels and before that the Choose Your Own Adventure Novels. These, I guess, are the basic introduction to your craft, and so when I was looking for inspiration for my children's fantasy novel, it was an area I felt naturally drawn towards. I remember as a kid loving these books and hope that this would be well received too...

Basically, my novel is a semi-sequel (although it is a stand alone novel in itself) to my debut effort Lyrian. It is a classic Choose Your Own Adventure Novel aimed at the middle grade reader (7-11 year olds). It is my first attempt at this age range, although I have produced some fighting fantasy style horror books in the past and some unofficial expansion books for warhammer and dungeons and dragons (private of course)

What I'm looking for from you guys is a complete destruct. Literally no criticism is out of bounds and all will be appreciated. I'd like to get this piece perfected and make sure it's on the right tracks.

I have made it a free download, and if anyone could spare a little time to help me out it would be fantastic and well appreciated. I'd like to get some feedback from gamers in regards to my project before I ask for editing advise and more specific help about the writing side.

http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/runewil/5936878