Imagine taking a journey into the future and watching two films. The first movie is your life as it was, and the second film is a cinematic depiction of your life as it could have been. The gap between these two images is an excellent barometer of your satisfaction with your life.

When embarking on this journey of mind, some of you may find that the disparity between the two films is nominal or even non-existent. In that case, I suggest skipping this blog and going directly to another one.

However, if you tried this mind experiment and noticed a significant difference between the two films, you may want to invest a few moments of your time and take the following simple (and dare I say it) fun steps to harmonize the two movies.

1. Identify Your Starting Point

If you want to go on a trip, it is a good idea to know your point of departure. For example, you may want to focus on one specific aspect of your life, such as changing professions or getting along better with your spouse. Choose an element of your life that is under your control and that you can initiate and maintain. For instance, you can’t necessarily make people like you, but you can certainly take steps to make yourself more likable. Once you know your starting point, you can continue on the next leg of the journey.

2. Choose Your Destination

The next step is deciding where you want to go. Becoming a public speaker may be your goal, or you may want to create a more peaceful environment in your home. Before starting the journey, imagine what the destination will look like ahead of time. See yourself as the director of the movie of your life. When using your imagination to envision the new film, cast bright lights onto the set and add your favorite music to the mix. Making the destination compelling is not only a lot of fun, it is almost a guaranteed strategy for success. Create a movie that you would be willing to pay money to watch and even want to invite some friends as well.

3. Understand the Barriers

Maybe money or time is preventing you from reaching your goal. Calculate precisely how much money it would take you to attain your goal and then brainstorm ways of acquiring these funds. If time is the critical factor, then clarify how long it would take you to achieve your target and brush up on your time management skills.
Perhaps you are standing in your own way. If you have created self-imposed limitations in the past, define exactly what they are and start moving past them. Choose a metaphor that best defines your internal block, such as an ice wall that you can melt by applying the correct amount of heat. Select whatever metaphor works best for you and take the appropriate action within that symbolic world to conquer these fictitious obstructions once and for all.
Perhaps you have annoying internal dialogue that fills your head with an onslaught of negative messages. Instead of fighting this chatter, have fun with it. Alter the tone and tempo of these voices in your head to sound like a cartoon character. Taking these high-pitched voices seriously is next to impossible. Make your self-talk so slow that you can’t understand it. Alternatively, you can teach yourself to broadcast an incredibly upbeat voice that is encouraging and proactive. Feel free to retool your brain’s “factory defaults”.
One of the most challenging barriers is managing the 40,000 thoughts that fire through our mind every day. When a negative thought comes into your head, gently replace it with a positive one. Imagine how our lives could change for the better when the lion’s share of our daily thoughts are encouraging, positive, and empowering. As motivation guru Robin Sharma is fond of saying, “the quality of our life is the quality of our thoughts.”

4. Write Down Your Plan of Action
There is an old saying that a goal is a dream with a deadline. Write your plan down on paper (or on a document on your PC or MAC) and make a commitment to following it. Never underestimate the power of written goals. A recent long-term study of Stanford graduates revealed that the most successful students were those five percent of the graduating class that had taken the time to commit their goals to writing. This small percentage was more successful in terms of income and self-satisfaction than the other 95% the graduates combined.

5. Monitor Your Progress


Two weeks into your program, take some time to review how well you have done so far. Reward yourself for positive changes that you have made, fine- tune parts of the plan that may need adjusting, and then set the next series of benchmarks. Accept any setbacks as learning experiences. When you think of these activities as play and not as work you will be more likely to succeed.
In your mind’s eye, there is no difference between what is vividly imagined and actual reality. Envision your desired reality as if you are already living it, and then take the steps listed above to set the plan into action. And when you go back to the future, you will notice that you have bridged the gap between the two movies faster than you think

Ben Goldfarb is a personal and corporate coach who has given seminars at Philips Medical Systems, Israel Aircraft Industry, and Galileo. He has offices in Tel Aviv and Jerusalem and does telephone and e-coaching with clients in Israel, Europe and the United States. You can email Ben at ben@pdshiftcoaching.com or visit his website at www.pdshiftcoaching.com for more information.

Posted on Friday 14 of July, 2006 [14:54:29 UTC]

If we were to meet our exact double at a party, would the two of us get along? Would we exchange phone numbers, make plans to get together, or maybe even set up our clone with one of our single friends? On a superficial level, one would think that the two of us would get along great. After all, we have so much in common. However, according to a number of ancient and modern sources, this would not be the case at all. Instead of hitting it off, chances are if we were placed in such a setting with our genetic duplicate we would probably get nervous and spill our drink in his/her lap and run the other way. Not only wouldn’t we get along with our virtual twin, we would probably be filled with a degree of anger, jealously, and perhaps a little bit of heartburn as well.
Why the discord? Why the lack of harmony? Why does our replicate from a parallel universe have to leave the party early and change clothes? Let’s ask ourselves another question. If we treated other people the way we treated ourselves, what would be the consequences of such behavior? Having asked this question to a number of people over the years, I have received responses ranging from being the recipient of restraining orders at best, to being subjected to extended prison sentences at worse.
What is the reason for this animosity? The answer lies in rapport, or lack thereof. Rapport, in addition to being yet another word borrowed from the French in which various letters aren’t pronounced, is the ability to create harmony and accord in our relationships. Most literature on the subject focuses on how to create rapport with others, i.e., our spouses, our bosses, and/or our ski instructors. We will explore those topics in future columns. However, I want to focus on the sorely neglected topic of developing rapport with ourselves.
The first step in achieving self-rapport is to take the congruency test. But one word of caution is in order. No cheating is allowed. Do not make the same mistake that Woody Allen made at NYU and look into the soul of the person sitting next to you for the answers.
The Congruency Test
Do we say one thing and do another on a regular basis?
Do we think one way and act in a diametrically opposed fashion regularly?
Do we have taco sauce dripping down our chin?
If you answered yes to one of these questions, then you may want to increase your congruency quotient and you could be in need of a stain remover.
Here is the recipe to master self-rapport, create internal harmony, and avoid static cling.
Congruent Speech and Tonality
Have you ever seen someone say yes but the rest of his/her body communicates no? I’ve interviewed people who kept spouting out how much they wanted the job while they kept shaking their head no at the same rate and speed as a metronome on Red Bull. Take a look in the mirror when you speak and make sure you are not betraying yourself with your body language. By the same token, you may be using exciting words that are spewing out enthusiasm and high energy but your tonality might be banal and could be projecting a lethargic, lackluster message. Try recording yourself and listen closely to the tape or MP3/WAV file for tonality that matches the content of your speech.
Congruent Thoughts
We may have conflicting thoughts swimming around in our heads that are leading us to incongruence. Some messages might be doing freestyle in our brains and pushing us to move forward. Other neural activity is in backstroke mode and is encouraging us to live in the past or play the victim role. Train your thoughts to jump into the water at the sound of the gun and swim in the same positive and future-oriented direction.
Congruent Action
Action is the bottom line of achieving self-rapport. We have to ask ourselves if we are taking daily steps to promote and/or maintain our dreams and goals. If not, maybe now is the time to start. Or maybe five minutes from now, but certainly not longer than it takes to learn how to eat Mexican food neatly.
Congruent Lifestyle
If we had no financial or time constraints, would we be living the same life that we are currently involved in? For example, you may be a successful investment banker but deep down you know you aren’t fulfilling your true professional goal of opening up a world class Viking restaurant. This incongruence can lead to a general sense of malaise, a feeling of quiet desperation, or even a temptation to skip your next ski lesson. Be clear about your personal and professional goals and take daily steps to attain and/or maintain them. If you aren’t being true to your deepest hopes, dreams and aspirations, remember the old saying that keeps circulating in some of the world’s finest fortune cookies. It’s better to fail at a lifestyle that you want to live than to succeed at an existence that you disdain. Please tip your waiter. Or as my one of my uncles used to say, “quit talking philosophy and pass me those Nordic chicken crisps”.
Our goal is to develop enough self-rapport so that we can interface in a user-friendly manner with our own souls. After mastering a congruent way of being, a chance meeting with our double just might find us enjoying the friendship. With a high level of self-rapport, we could have a fighting chance of going out to the movies with our alter-ego, or even survive a night of bowling together without getting into a brawl. Once this level has been reached, the next step is to develop rapport with those around us. But not before we create the ideal atmosphere and décor that best accompanies Viking cuisine.

In addition to his personal coaching practice, Ben Goldfarb has led corporate trainings at Philips Medical Systems, Israel Aircraft Industry, and Galileo Semiconductor. He is the founder and director of Paradigm Shift Communications. For more information, send an e-mail to info@pdshiftcoaching.com, visit the PSC website at www.pdshiftcoaching.com, or call 972-(0)2-641-6673 to arrange a complimentary phone consultation.

Posted on Friday 14 of July, 2006 [14:41:56 UTC]