John Haines's Storefront

The Old Man's Trousers
Ken Roley is a driver for a laundry and cleaning company. After an unfortunate road accident, he finds himself thrown together with the other two drivers involved in the collision, and very soon ends up on a comical wild goose chase around the Wiltshire countryside, in pursuit of the most unlikely secret agent in existence. Join Ken and his two new friends, as they try to capture 'The Old Man's Trousers'.

Print: $9.76

Download: $3.97

Haines, Rogan, Words.............. And a Little Music
This is a collection of some of my poems and songs, written over many, many years, although with a massive void in between. Please do have a read of the preview, which I hope you will enjoy. John Haines

Print: $9.99

Download: $3.94

The Skipper's Lament ( Backing Track Only )
For those who would like to utilise this backing track, then here's your chance, you'll be in good company, as several Folk bands and even Country and Western bands around Perth /Western Australia use this track to sing the song to a host of Liverpool ex-pats who cry into their cold beer and ruin their prawns hot off the 'barbie'.

Download: FREE

Her Benny by Silas K Hocking
This book is a little gem. It was first published in 1880 by a Cornish Minister who upped sticks to bang his drum up in the 'grim North', ( including 3 years in Liverpool, which is where this story is primarily set ). Despite the good man of the cloth earning only a fraction of what he should have done, this book gave Silas K Hocking his place in History, as the first author to sell more than a million books in his own life time. Considering the traditional rush from the cemetery to buy all sorts of works of art, music and literature by even the most obscure writers/artists in the event of their passing on, this was indeed an achievement. One read of the first chapter will make you understand why.

Print: $16.49

Download: $6.51

The Skipper's Lament
This is a sad song which tells the story of the once great Port of Liverpool in the UK. The song relates the decline of it's Maritime heritage, where grand ocean liners once graced the River Mersey, alongside thousands of cargo boats of every size, carrying anything and everything imagineable, and with crews of all colours, races and creeds. The Port of Liverpool is enjoying somewhat of a revival, but what was once trade and commerce of the high seas, is now festivals, sea shanty competitions and leisure trips. A lament indeed.

Download: FREE

1853 Edition. Memoirs of ( Joseph ) Grimaldi - Edited by Boz - with Notes and Additions by Charles Whitehead
This is Charles Dickens' biography of Late Georgian / Early Victorian Clown, Harlequin and Pantomime actor/artiste, Joseph Grimaldi. This is a 6 X 9 full-text facsimile( with illustrations and adverts )of the 1853 edition. If you prefer to look at a piece of history, please do check out the fully scanned 1854 version also available from my store, but if it's simply a good read of the subject matter you are after, then this is more appropriate and as it's OCR'd text, it downloads far more quickly.

Print: $13.99

Download: $1.36

Memoirs of Joseph Grimaldi, Edited by Charles Dickens ( Boz ). A scanned copy of an 1854 edition
( Facsimile of 1854 Edition - Scanned. )In 1837, Charles Dickens was asked to 'tidy up' the autobiography of Victorian Clown and Pantomime artist, Joseph Grimaldi. It merits inclusion in his collection, because he did indeed re-draft the words, with some of the text pure Dickens. This has been scanned from an 1854 edition, with odd lines of replacement text. There are also Victorian adverts from other editions throughout the book. Although the book is listed everywhere,with hard copies available, this is at a price, even for a badly torn and faded copy. Such is its desirability. But it is currently missing from most openly available download/EBook versions of 'Complete' or 'Collected Dickens'. This scanned copy will be a tremendous boon for all Dickens fans,and will be followed by a re-typed version in a few months. It is also a great read, especially for fans of Victorian Theatre. Enjoy. John Haines ( Please note. Considerable downloading time )

Download: $2.00

Gerry Jones 'Liverpool Lyrics'
This is an album of Liverpool flavoured folk songs, by Liverpool folk singer and musician/performer, Gerry Jones. These unpretentious renditions are a delight to listen to, and will for many finally end the dilemma of ' I know the song but I don't know the words'. Gerry is helping keep our Liverpool heritage alive. God bless him. John Haines. September 2005

Disc: $15.00

Gerry Jones 'Liverpool Lyrics'
This is the Download only version of ' Liverpool Lyrics', an album by Liverpool folk singer and musician/performer, Gerry Jones. Those who believe in local heritage, this unsophisticated but charming set of renditions of songs about Liverpool, from the days of old up until more modern times, will thank Gerry Jones and his ilk who keep alive these priceless jewels. Cheers, Gerry, yer a goodun, la. John Haines

Download: $7.50

Mike Miller, Son of Pendragon by Josh Rogan 2006 Abridged and Revised Edition
( Abridged and Revised 6x9 2006 Edition ) After holding his own at his first four years at 'Hemlock Hall', Mike Miller goes off to Romania on what should be a 'year out' to develop his skills and to gain confidence for the challenges that lie ahead. However, Mike Miller soon finds himself central to the seemingly eternal battle between good and evil involving those still loyal to the ideals of the goodly King Arthur - and the descendents of the evil Sir Mordred, dread enemy of King Arthur.

Print: $29.66

Download: $12.87

The Pied Piper of Hamelin
This is a reprint of the famous poem 'The Pied Piper of Hamelin' in illustrated book form, scanned from a Victorian edition. One look at the illustrations will make you realise why such preservation is vital, they are stunning. As you can see by the copyright notice, this is a joint effort between my cousin, his grand-daughter, and yours truly. A real family affair but spread over 15,000 miles! The book has passed through several hands over the years, with the earliest recorded owner ( in 1892 ), being Margaret Pilkington, a member of the Pilkington Glass family of St. Helen's, important names in their time here in the UK. It last changed hands in 1942, when it came into the posession of a lady who would become my cousin by marriage. Please do take a look, and as ever, enjoy. John Haines

Print: $13.73

Download: $5.00

The Happy Harold Stories
This is a collection of five separate 'Happy Harold stories'. Harold Spencer is a ten year old boy who lives in the Wiltshire village of Plumley - the rest of the residents of the village of Plumley wished he did not. Harold causes chaos and confusion wherever he goes, and sometimes the worst of his doings kick in long after he's gone home. Enjoy. Josh Rogan

Print: $15.99

Download: $5.77

A Christmas Carol
It gives me great pleasure to be able to offer a new edition of an old classic by Charles Dickens. This is courtesy of the hard work done by so many in their research into finding out which great works are now available for reprinting. There's not too much that can be said here about the story. Or is there? For Dickens' enthusiasts and those just getting into this great man's work, this represents the rare humour of the early Dickens, rather than the more sombreful musing of his later work. Also, to those who have not read the story, well, I'm sure you've all seen the films. Different, aren't they? But which one is most accurate? There's only one way to find out! Happy reading.

Print: $7.49

The Marble by Josh Rogan
This is the tale of a giant speckly blue and green marble - a 'kingy'. After little Joey Thomas mis-hit the marble during a game of Taw, the marble plopped down a grid in a side street in the Lancashire town of Burnely, and went off on a world-wide adventure of its own.

Print: $7.99

Download: $1.94

( British Version ) Haines, Rogan, Words.....and a little Music by John Haines
This is the 6.14 by 9.21 version of this book aimed at British buyers. It's a compilation of some of my poems, verses, and even limericks. Enjoy.

Print: $6.99

Download: $0.94

( Hard Cover 6 x 9 ) Mike Miller, Son of Pendragon by Josh Rogan 2006 Abridged and Revised Edition
( Abridged and Revised 6x9 2006 Edition ) After holding his own at his first four years at 'Hemlock Hall', Mike Miller goes off to Romania on what should be a 'year out' to develop his skills and to gain confidence for the challenges that lie ahead. However, Mike Miller soon finds himself central to the seemingly eternal battle between good and evil involving those still loyal to the ideals of the goodly King Arthur - and the descendents of the evil Sir Mordred, dread enemy of King Arthur.

Download: $0.72

Hardcover Print: $27.99

The Legend of Sleepy Hollow
( Republished under the G.N.U License. ) Originally part of Irving's 'The Sketchbook of Geoffrey Crayon' which will also be re-published here shortly. The Legend of Sleepy Hollow in its original form is more like a framework for others to work with and expand, which is indeed what has happened, resulting in a recent film which takes the story way beyond what was on the Anglophile's mind when he wrote it. But it is a good tale regardless, and tells more of idleness and ambition than of horror - the young Ichabod wanted everything, the easy way. He never quite managed it.

Print: $6.99

Download: $1.58

Go Kart Rock
Just a few snippets from the Prelinger archives of a 1930's soap box ( Go Kart )race, with background music by Gerry and the Minesweepers.

Download: FREE

Techno Fun with Nosferatu
Just a bit of fun, a three minute horror short from the 1922 silent classic, Nosferatu. The usual theatrical accompaniment has been updated - it's now 'Nightmare' by Gerry and the Minesweepers. Might be best to save to pc straightaway as there are frequent buffering problems here at present.

Download: FREE

Gerry and the Minesweepers - 'Why?' - The 2006 Reunion Album
Rough and ready self indulgent nostalgia trip for a group of friends who loved beer and music, at the same time. The sound quality is mostly awful, but the warts and all ( mostly instrumental ) acoustic performances have their charm, and ( just ) a few are genuinely good.

Disc: $5.50

Crosby, Little Crosby, and Thornton in the Snow - Plus the Iron Men of Crosby
Not a video as such, but a collage/ slide show, with music accompaniment by John Haines, Ameritz, and Gerry and the Minesweepers featuring Gerry Jones. This is basically the movie version of the photo collection 'Crosby in the Snow'. Now, you have a choice, either go to Lulu TV, search on the title to watch about 98% of it for nowt, or pay a modest price here to get the full film.

Download: $3.63

On the Waterfront - Liverpool
This is just a selection of short films spliced together with my song 'The Skipper's Lament' used as the background / theme music. It is not the best film in the world, but it doesn't matter. The clips and the song complement each other, as the song is about the Port of Liverpool. And what's more, its free.

Download: FREE

George Formby sings Aunty Maggie's Remedy and the Emperor of Lancashire
One good thing to come from the passage of time is the number of films and songs entering the public domain, this is the case here with two excerpts from George Formby's Turned out nice Again. I apologise for the poor dubbing, but that apart the image and sound quality are fine, albeit separately, but it's free and you'll enjoy them anyway.

Download: FREE

Felix the Cat with Gerry and the Minesweepers
Just another few minutes of fun with a Felix the Cat cartoon, but with the soundtrack replaced with a little music, 'I Heard the Landlord' and 'Booze 'N' Blues' by Gerry and the Minesweepers.

Download: FREE

Liverpool and Merseyside 1897 to 1930
This is a combination of films shot in Liverpool over a 23 year period starting with clips from the famous Scenes of Liverpool shot in 1897 by Promio of the Lumiere film company. As well as Liverpool Docks from the Overheard Railway, there are shots of the City centre and the Pier Head. There is also pics of a Royal visit, army recruitment, emigration, the 1907 Charter festival and the 3rd World Scout Jamboree in Arrowe Park, then some summer scenes, and then fading out with the first 2 verses of In My Liverpool Home sung by Gerry Jones.

Download: FREE

George Formby - The Ukelele King of Lancashire
This is a collection of songs by Lancashire's George Formby, King ( Emperor even ) of the Ukelele. This set is made up of original tracks, some re-recordings ( although still good and some of these perhaps better ), and audio excerpts from some of his films. His most famous songs are here, as well as several not so well known ones, but all are a joy to listen to.**ONLY THE 3 TRACK PREVIEW IS LOW BITRATE, THE FULL DOWNLOAD IS ALL AT 192**

Download: $3.63

LULU FOR ME

SHIPPING

CORPORATE PROFILE

QUICK HELP

Lulu has creators from 80 countries and distributes to over 100.

Just select your language and currency and start publishing.