-- We're near here, Karen said.

The top of the hill had an estate on it. It was pretty much the same as home, cos it had dog shite and rubbish and snotty nosed wee kids. But here there was more flags and there was wall murals and painted kerbs as well.

There was loads of people about. Especially kids, they only looked about six but like they'd kill you soon as look at you. They were all skinny and freckled and wearing Gap tops. Their mas thundered down the pavements behind them with bags from the shop.

Karen didn't give us any time to look round us, but. There was an offy across the road with barbed wire fencing and barricaded steel doors, and we went over to it behind her. There was an alley beside it. It was bogging and it smelt really strong of pish. Like I say, same as home.

We stepped past puddles and old nappies and went into the alley. There was a steel ladder running up the wall. Maybe it was a fire escape, I don't know, and why does it matter, shut up head.

-- C'mon, Karen said.

She started to go up the ladder. Me and Nicola looked at each other, and we decided without saying anything we might as well give it a go, just to see. So we went up the ladder behind Karen. I went first.

At the top Karen was standing on a sort of balcony, well a steel platform sort of thing. It was covered in feg butts and puddled offy bags. There wasn't enough room for me or Nicola to stand on it as well, so I hung off the top of the ladder and Nicola waited under me. We'd soon see now if we were going to get kilt or not.

I looked down at Nicola. She was a bit pale, maybe it'd made her tired going up the ladder. But I was probly pale too I suppose.

She grinned up at me and I grinned back and we waited.

There was a door at end of the balcony thing and Karen knocked on it. She knocked two, then three, then two. A secret code! I wanted to say to Nicola but I didn't in case Karen heard me.

And then suddenly I was shitting it. Not about maybe getting kilt, but cos I'd just thought someone'd be coming to the door, there'd be people here I didn't know. People just don't seem to like me when they first meet me, I don't know why. Especially fellas, but I do know with them. If there was fellas in here they'd just take one look at me and decide I wasn't worth bothering with, cos I was ugly. I know the look.

Anyway, the door opened above us. It was a fella, and by now I was shitting myself so much I near fell off the ladder. I hate being shy. Nearly as much as I hate not being skinny. (If I'd one wish but, I'd pick to be skinny, cos if you're skinny and shy people think it's sweet, but if you're fat and ugly and shy they just say What a dick.)

Anyway. Karen went in through the door, but she didn't say C'mon. And the fella didn't either, he just stood there and stared at us and didn't say anything atall. It was terrible, me and Nicola hanging off the ladder not knowing if we were allowed in or not and this fella standing staring down at us. Then Karen came back, and she looked through the door, and said, Are yis comin or what? so we went up the rest of the ladder.

The fella still stood on the balcony but, even though there wasn't enough room. Me and Nicola had to push past him a wee bit to get in through the door, and he still didn't move. He had one of those rough holey faces people have when they've had load of spots years ago, and he looked old, about twenty five. He was a bit creepy I thought.

We got inside. We were in a hall and there was four white doors leading off it. But we didn't know what one Karen'd gone through. We stood there like dicks, and the fella was still on the balcony with the door open. But then we heard Karen, she shouted Mackers! and the fella finally stopped gawking at us and he came in and went through one of the white doors.

Me and Nicola stood there like lemons. Maybe we were meant to go after him, but then maybe him and Karen would be pissed off if we caught on to them plotting our bloody deaths.

-- Did yeh see her arms! Nicola said. I think she'd been dying to say it for the last ten minutes.

I didn't really want to talk about Karen's arms, cos she had scars so what, what was the big deal and cos maybe she could hear us from the room she was in. I didn't want to talk about anything in case there was someone listening.

Nicola said,

-- I hope it's all right --

To be here she meant, and funny she should say that just as I was thinking the weapons were being shouldered in the room in front of us. I didn't say anything.

Nicola said,

-- It's just her arms, did yeh see them --

I didn't get this obsession with Karen's arms. And I was scared someone could hear us. But Nicola was on a roll. I hisswhispered at her,

-- What about them!

-- She --

Nicola let on with her hand that she was slashing her arm. I looked at her. She tutted at me. She said,

-- She did it herself Lisa! Are yeh thick?

I was. She had. I took a beamer.

Then I twigged on to what Nicola meant. Karen seemed all right but maybe she wasn't. How could someone be all right if they did that on themselves, why would you do that?

Maybe we could open the balcony door dead quiet and get down the fire escape again. But if they caught us --

One of the white doors opened. My stomach jumped and curled.

Karen said,

-- Are yis not coming in?

like we were at her ma's house for tea or something, like it hadn't been clearer than vodka her and the creepy fella'd been talking about us.

So anyway we went in. It was a living room, a pretty big one. The walls were white wallpaper and there was mattresses and couch cushions on the floor and a SuperSer in the middle of the room. There was an upside down milk crate with a wee stereo sat on top of it and a goldfish in a bowl on a shelf. And there was loads of rubbish – blue offy bags and empty beer tins and feg boxes and feg butts and chippy bags.

At first I thought it was clothes on the floor but then they moved and said Close the door, it's freezin --

-- That's Bonanz, Karen said about the pile of clothes on the floor.

-- And that's Mackers, she said about the creepy fella.

Mackers, the human gorilla, just looked at us again from under his big eyebrow. But Bonanz put a hand out of his blanket and waved it around at us.

-- Hiya! I said. Like a dick.

-- All right, Nicola said, like a normal person.

Karen sat down on one of the couch cushions and she pulled the bottle of vodka out of her fleece. The Mackers one sat down and started rolling a feg. Me and Nicola stood there, still lemony. We weren't waiting to be asked to sit down, cos this wasn't high tea, but we didn't want to just take it for granted in case we weren't staying, weren't allowed to stay.

But then Karen said, Here Nicola, givvis one more feg and you me and Lisa'll split the rest of this voddy --

So we sat down. And that was it. We were in.

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