Yep...don't post blogs that often...but ah' listen here...lol

Right now, all I can record with is my mini disc player/recorder, so my projects are at a standstill until I can repair my computer.

Oh yeah...and that's right folks...better enjoy me while you can, because I'm not going to be online again for like a few weeks. January 3rd or so is when I'll return...so, check the calendar and do the math for me and yourself, lol.

Yeesh...I can already feel myself slipping into that pit of despair. Because, when the net is gone...hell...I don't have a job, so I'm not doing anything. But I'll probably, you know...try to record something, write stuff, rake the yard, sleep late, play video games...things to keep myself busy. Oh yeah and go out and try to find a job every now and then. Just going door to door at businesses close by, I guess.
Yeah...when there's no internet, I tend to get on the depressed side, as I can't talk to all my net buddies and such...and can't fuel my brain with the vast knowledge available. *sigh*

I'll miss you all!

By the way...lol, write me some messages and comments and stuff to keep me busy when I get back, yeah?

-Cinique

Posted on Tuesday 19 of December, 2006 [19:11:11 UTC]

I've started a lot of musical projects, and I for different reasons, haven't finished any of them...in the case of the Unplugged album...I feel like I need one more song on there, and I also need to write lyrics, and I'm being self-conscious about that...but other than that...it's quite close to being finished. As for Plugged, same deal...although, it's just the lyrics that I'm lacking. I've listened to different tunes I've come up with for it, and I've gotten opinions from a couple of people, and I've decided what tracks I want...just have to go back and play everything and make lyrics. Then there's an album called Red that's about on the same edge of completion...although, I feel I need more equipment. And then the album that was supposed to be an Album in a Day project that got too ambitious What is it Worth... that album that would include "Simple Things" is just the same as Red...I feel I need more equipment. And there are quite a few others that I just have a few songs for. But, in light of the whole expelled from school thing...I thought I'd go again, give another shot to being less self-conscious and using what I have to make the music and not getting too ambitious and leave it to song writing and pretty good guitar playing (and overdubbing) to get an album done. And yeah, it's going to revolve around me being expelled from school...and it's going to be a collection of sad songs. Afterwards, I think I'll be damn ready to leave the folk-rock kinda thing behind for a while and do some electronic music.

Posted on Monday 20 of February, 2006 [20:12:51 UTC]

The trial concerning the girl didn't go well, I choked and I didn't present enough evidence or ask the right questions...nor did I explain myself well enough when I had the opportunity to speak freely.

The two things that annoyed me the most during the questioning of myself was that people kept questioning why someone would want to drop from a red belt to a white belt. And it was said several times by others, "if I'd earned a red belt, I wouldn't want to drop to white" ...what I intend to tell the president (who I'm appealing to, since the council found me guilty) is that I see a all the belts as just presentation for others...not for yourself. It's stupid, embarassing, disgraceful to me...to stand in the front of the class, wearing a redbelt, when I haven't been in martial arts for more than three years, and I don't know all my techniques. I didn't say that at the trial...I choked up, got nervous. I walked out of there and my teeth were chattering from nervousness.
The other thing was that they kept wondering why I didn't say anything after the girl told me she was married. The thing I should've pointed out was that it wasn't phrased as "I'm married" or "I have a husband" ...she started the sentece off as "my husband..." and continue talking. It wasn't one sentece, and the jury kept wondering why I didn't reply or questioning why I didn't reply.

The biggest thing is that I discovered just a few hours before the trial...that the initial complaint that started everything was based on false accusations from the accusor, the teacher. And I was never shown nor read the full document or everything involved in the document. So I decided to sign the diciplinary probation form, based on what I knew as the truth which corresponded to the few questions I was asked about the incidents...I wasn't aware of how serious the accusations were or that they were false. And because everything that happened after was influenced by that complaint, I feel that I've been wrongly accused. ...also, this puts at most three people of power in the line of fire for being sued, including the Dean of Students...and at least of course, the teacher that accused me and made up things. And these things there are evidence for, I would just have to really work to gather and have a lawyer.

This is a really big thing.

Posted on Monday 20 of February, 2006 [20:11:36 UTC]

Wow...yet another bad moment that has to do with a girl.

Well, I don't feel like typing a lot, but there's a long story involved that some of my friends know, in which I was stapled with a sexual harassment complaint by a teacher. The first time it wasn't intended to be harassment at all (though I had flirted with her, by the time she reported me, that little crush was well over with), and then the second time she reported me it was her being immature as all I needed was a ride home, and she was my best option.
The first time I got a warning, the second time I had the option to be put on diciplinary probation and have a restraining order against me. And I just decided to accept that, because I didn't want to have to plead my case in front of a group, and I don't like confrontation, even though I thought the whole thing was stupid.
Now there's a girl in my martial arts class who thinks I'm stalking her or showing an unhealthy interest in her. And this is absolute crap...

One claim is that I went to her class before I was in her class, so I could see her.
Absolute crap...I was in martial arts class just one before I joined the class, and that was because I was trying to decide whether or not I wanted to be in the class. And she spoke to me first...and did most of the talking.

The other thing is that I alledgedly wanted to be demoted (in the martial arts class) from red belt to white belt, so that I would be in her group and I could be around her more often.
And that's even more crap than the first one. I was temporarily white belt because I didn't wear my uniform two class meetings, because it needed to be washed and I wanted to wait until I could get it washed at home on the weekend, instead of paying money here at school, and I also really don't like being at the front of the class or having to call out all the technique names (that I don't know)...when I haven't been in martial arts for at least four years.

It just worries me that they'll bring up the teacher thing and another event from the past, and try to paint a picture of a really troubled young man. I feel like this is an assault on me because of my physical features and social impairment.

Posted on Monday 20 of February, 2006 [20:10:41 UTC]

Welll, I had another piss me off moment today.

I got this myspace message from a stranger calling himself a best friend of a girl who is interested in me.

So, I go and check on it, and she's really hot and there's this blog that's posted that's referring to me.
I just stroke my chin and start thinking. She's beautiful, the blog was...interesting, and it made me want to approach the situation cautiously.

Then I do the friend request...well, before or after I did a friend request. Then I come back later, and I find out that the account is deleted. Of course, I was suspiscious about the whole thing prior.
It just pisses me off that someone would take the time to do an elaborate deception to a stranger...and if I find it was a "friend" I'm gonna be more pissed off.



...positive point...

the creative writing instructor really liked my short story and wants to read it again and put it in the school's literary publication. And the Death Cab for Cutie cd is awesome...

Posted on Monday 20 of February, 2006 [20:09:34 UTC]

I'm going back to junior college soon. I'm excited about being in the dorm, seeing that it's so large and comfortable. There won't be any of the clastraphobia that I felt in the other dorms (last time I was at the school). And you know, I think that will make my grades better too, you know...you can use the internet anytime you want, eat good food, there's air-condition and basically you're living in a comfortable environment, and it improves your overall state of mind, and you feel happier and more motivated towards your goals.

I'm also excited about the stuff that I'm working on. I finished up the first album that I ever started working on (you can by the cd for $7.00 at lulu.com or wait for me to put free downloads on some site and then burn your own cd). Next up is Plugged (all electric guitar) and Unplugged (all acoustic)...I have tunes for most of the songs I want for Plugged, but I need to write a lot of lyrics, lol. And I'm lacking about four tunes for Unplugged, but I'm verrry impressed by the stuff for that album. I'm actually addicted to some of my own songs, lol. I think Plugged may be better (or better recieved) than Unplugged...Plugged is darker and I think, less catchy than Unplugged. I want to get an acoustic electric before I record Unplugged, so I can record direct...instead of doing just mic. For Plugged I need an audio interface and different strings.

Hey, by the way...is coming up with music before lyrics somewhat unorthodox?

-Cinique

Posted on Friday 12 of August, 2005 [19:48:59 UTC]

Wow...I'm loving the changes to lulu. Very stylish and...user friendly (or more so than it was before)...and the addition of the ability to make cds and dvds. Very cool. Seems like cafepress has competition now, lol.

Posted on Tuesday 12 of July, 2005 [22:20:11 UTC]

I use to write blogs pretty often here, but now I'm like..."okay, what's the point? Nobody's reading them anyway..." except maybe a moderator or something huh?

Posted on Tuesday 15 of March, 2005 [20:03:44 UTC]

I'm not sure exactly why, but I'm very drawn towards goth girls...or either just girls that have a dark mysterious kind of appearance. A little while ago, I was looking at this girl who...well, I've seen her in the library before, and I think that she went to community college with me. She has sorta tight eyes, strong jaws, sort of an Asian/Hispanic/American Indian sort of look, lightly browned skin, and dark brown hair. She's dressed in earth tones...dark green jacket. Her look was just intriguing to me...the dark colors...the difference in ethnicity, the dark hair...the sitting alone, reading a newspaper. She has this mysterious, smart look about her...but not so much of either that she appears frightening or like she never goes out and has fun.

These things are hot to me. I think maybe I look at someone like that and think to myself "wow...she doesn't look like one of those nutty Britney Spears types. She seems like someone that I could really talk to and have a long lasting relationship with. Someone I could be honest with."
You may be thinking..."hey...talk to her". I've been thinking that too, but I'm also thinking "okay, the last time I tried to talk to a girl was months ago and that didn't go too well, probably because before that...it was another sequence of months before I'd ever tried to talk to a girl, it's a small town and most girls here aren't single, I'm twenty, almost twenty-one and I've never been on a date in my life (not that I'm not attractive...just weird, not really comfy speaking to people anymore and have horrible luck with relationships or potential relationships)" Sorry excuses huh?

I did however, work up the nerve to ask her her ethnicity and age...she's hispanic and twenty-two.

This reminds me of Kristen, this girl that I met in Brentwood (which is like a Mental Healthcare center). I really miss her. She was goth. Black hair, black outfits.
The first time I saw her...we had what I call a "movie moment". The girls were leaving the gym...the guys were going in, and we were passing by each other. She caught my eye, because she was new and because I thought she was very attractive...we both stared at each other, locked in one another's gaze and then she smiled at me, and I smiled back. Wow...
that was one of the greatest moments in my life. I should've snuck and gotten my contact info to her, but I was blinded...trying to be monotonous to a girl who I thought really liked me but didn't. Sucks...

I hope to find her again some day...but I have this bad feeling that maybe it would be too late, and I'd find that she was pregnant and married to someone. All I know about her is that she lived/lives in Mississippi, went to Brentwood...I remember sorta what she looks like but the picture is fading away. I know she liked/likes me...that's all I know. *sigh* Maybe through my arts, I can reach her. Maybe I'll be on television or something...somewhere big and then I can send a message to her and anyone who knows her.

Posted on Wednesday 02 of March, 2005 [22:17:23 UTC]

I thought I'd post an update. I'm still working on my album Plugged, and I have like...6 more days to work on it. The funny thing is...I started with a month to work on the music...then I worked for like half that time...then decided that the music that I'd come up with, wasn't good enough...so, I got rid of almost everthing, leaving just one song that I really liked, and then I came up with nine new songs that I liked much better, but I still have to do the production and stuff and come up with lyrics...

Reminds me of when I was in school, and I'd have something due...be too lazy/depressed or something to do it early...and then a day or two before the project was due...I'd rush to finish, and then end up with an A or B on the final product. Hopefully, this album ends up the same way. :\

Posted on Monday 07 of February, 2005 [18:02:44 UTC]