The morning detective Nick Curran wakes up, played by Michael Douglas, he finds a note on the pillow next to him. It reads in a steady handwriting: the beach C And it is from Catherine Tramell, a mysterious writer played by Sharon Stone, with whom he has spent the night. “The beach” from the note, refers to her villa in Stinson; A 50 minute drive from the San Francisco mansion, where Nick just woke up after what he called “the fuck of the century”. Although I have loved the movie Basic Instinct (1992) since its release, it took until 2018, when the first posts of this book are dated, before I saw the resemblance between Catherine and me. Before I saw that I did have Catherine’s cool. I shock people, even though I do not actively, as in a verb, shock people. My presence brings an unease that I have spent my entire life, trying to socialize away. The difference between Catherine and me, was that she did not try to smooth it out and poured some fuel on the fire instead. It took me until 2018, before I saw my relationship with my lover mirrored her relationship to Nick Curran. That we shared a love for games, an unavailability to play life at an ordinary level. It took me until 2018, before I started to understand that my fascination for her had always been way more than a love for stylish clothes and a VIP lifestyle. That even in 1992, what I had seen in her? Was me.