The Private Eye That Eyes Your Privates

My best friend seems to have found his soulmate on a new dating app. I’m just here in case she turns out to be crazy. Funnily enough… so is he? Apparently, I don’t corner the market on overprotectiveness. Which is fine. But must he be overprotective right where I’m trying to be overprotective? Does the man not know what personal space is? Who invited him to my table, and why is he so comfortable annoying me, a perfect stranger? His sister is here to meet my best friend. And I don’t trust neither one of ‘em. So, I’ve got my eye on them both. And before you ask, no he’s not cute. And no, I’m not attracted to him. He’s a nuisance with a blinding smile that won’t leave me alone to hover over my friend in peace! If he so much as touches my plate, I’m flipping this whole Baskin Robbins table over, you hear me? Ice cream will paint the walls, and so will his screams of anguish. I don’t play about my food… This is a short story about the very... interesting way Xavier Baker and Nivea Dunks first met.