Goldilocks and the Free Bears

Once upon a time there were three bears: Mummy Bear, Daddy Bear, and their son Nigel, and much has been written about these unfortunate individuals throughout the years. For example, in parts of Hungary and Romania they say that Daddy Bear earned great acclaim riding the Wall of Death in a travelling flea circus, and that he met his wife while she was trying to raise funds for a marzipan exhibition in Budapest. Meanwhile, in Scandanavia it is generally believed that the Bears are descended from the great Haftan the Unreasonable, who conquered much of Northern Europe and is widely credited as being the inventor of the oven chip. On the other hand, any mention of the Bears in Leamington Spa is met with much wailing and gnashing of teeth, and when pressed further the good people of that town will proceed to mutter strange and curious riddles about Marmite. The story was first serialised by The University of the Bleeding Obvious in 2001/2002.