Colonel Sanders. George Washington. Blimp races. Musk oxen, and how to kill them. Tube worms--and how to kill them (it's harder than you think). What do all of these things have in common? Nothing... More > whatsoever. Which is why it would be very foolish for anyone to attempt to write a book involving all of them. But that didn't stop "McSweeney's" veteran Danny Wind, author of "Let's Kill All the Belgians: A Child's Guide to Genocide" (possibly the only book written in crayon to ever spark an international incident), from tackling all these topics and more in 27 hilarious essays, plus a collection of Profound Insights (Jack Handey's lawyers are real jerks about using the phrase "Deep Thoughts"). Not only will you laugh, but you might learn something as well (assuming you have "Nova" or something on in the background while you're reading it. I can't control what you do).< Less
Colonel Sanders. George Washington. Blimp races. Musk oxen, and how to kill them. Tube worms--and how to kill them (it's harder than you think). What do all of these things have in common? Nothing... More > whatsoever. Which is why it would be very foolish for anyone to attempt to write a book involving all of them. But that didn't stop "McSweeney's" veteran Danny Wind, author of "Let's Kill All the Belgians: A Child's Guide to Genocide" (possibly the only book written in crayon to ever spark an international incident), from tackling all these topics and more in 27 hilarious essays, plus a collection of Profound Insights (Jack Handey's lawyers are real jerks about using the phrase "Deep Thoughts"). Not only will you laugh, but you might learn something as well (assuming you have "Nova" or something on in the background while you're reading it. I can't control what you do).< Less
Anyone can name a multitude of great musical, artistic, architectural, and other cultural achievements from most European countries: France, Spain, Germany, the Netherlands. But what about Belgium,... More > and its ten million people? What has it contributed to world culture? Fluffy waffles. A few varieties of beer and chocolate. That's about it. Which raises the question: what have the Belgians been doing with their time instead? Maybe Belgium chokes the world with its sweet, sweet waffles to divert us from its growing imperialist ambitions, as the Belgians build a war machine on a scale undreamt of by Alexander or Genghis Khan. As America dithers in the Middle East, its true enemy gathers strength far closer to home.
This essential instuctional manual will teach America's children about the growing Belgian threat, and tell them how to combat the coming invasion. Buy it now--because tomorrow may be too late.
(Satire)< Less
Anyone can name a multitude of great musical, artistic, architectural, and other cultural achievements from most European countries: France, Spain, Germany, the Netherlands. But what about Belgium,... More > and its ten million people? What has it contributed to world culture? Fluffy waffles. A few varieties of beer and chocolate. That's about it. Which raises the question: what have the Belgians been doing with their time instead? Maybe Belgium chokes the world with its sweet, sweet waffles to divert us from its growing imperialist ambitions, as the Belgians build a war machine on a scale undreamt of by Alexander or Genghis Khan. As America dithers in the Middle East, its true enemy gathers strength far closer to home.
This essential instuctional manual will teach America's children about the growing Belgian threat, and tell them how to combat the coming invasion. Buy it now--because tomorrow may be too late.
(Satire)< Less
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