1868, Argentina: Captain Richard F. Burton, intrepid secret agent, mesmerist, occult scholar, undefeated swordsman, fierce intellectual and famed explorer is known to have disappeared into the wilds of South America, from September 1868 until March 1869, with two mysterious adventurers, and uncharacteristically left no written account. Friday, November 27, 2020, Portland, Oregon: Two homeless men, squatting in an Airbnb in Southeast Portland, are apprehended by United States Marshals serving a federal warrant for human trafficking. The two men were not named in the warrant, but, as seven heads were found smoking over the wood stove, the two men, with no identification and their fingerprints and swabs appearing in no law enforcement database, were taken into custody and held for questioning. What follows is their account of their strange appearance and their crimes against humanity.