Don't Read This!

People can be so weird sometimes, can’t they? Not you. I’m sure you’re lovely, but some people can just be insufferable. One afternoon, I was on my way to the grocery store with my Aunt Edna (she wasn’t really my aunt...actually, it was my parole office, but he liked to be called "aunt". Okay, he hated it, but I’m needy right now. Happy?)...and when we get to the store, this old lady grabs the shopping cart I was going for. To be fair, her stuff was already in it, including her baby, but I did have my eye on it the day before when I came in...and I think "dibs" have actual legal effect. It was *my* cart. I was going to spit at her, but my mouth was all dry. Don’t you hate that? I mean, I was completely parched. Ah, well. The nasty look I gave to the back of her head probably did the trick. The guy who saw me do it looked frightened, that’s for sure. The way he moved away from me so quickly is proof of that.