mutterings

12 months ago, I set out to write the funniest, warmest book I could. I came up with this instead. It's got a lot of swearing and I forgot the inspiring stuff about unicorns and angels, but you can't have everything. As I said to my mother when I was young: "I'm not gay, I'm not, stop claiming that." And I think we can all learn something from those simple words. If you're a pretty lady, perhaps you'd like to invite me for a meal. If you don't sweat too much, we could marry. Books - they're great, aren't they? Next time I'm going to do one with a kitten on the cover, hanging on to a tree branch for dear life. That's so great I could wet myself. So, there you have it. I'm not gay, and although I live waaay over in Britian and you won't understand my book at all, we do have something special in common*. As mother said, "Re-write some Monty Python sketches. They're 40 years old but those yanks can't get enough of them." Magic. (*Little tiny eyelash parasites.)