He described himself as an ideas man, although that's all they ever were, and they were never anything original or inspiring. Being an ideas man freed him from the expectation of progress on his part, because he knew his actions could only ever lead to failure; and being an ideas man allowed him to fail with dignity, or what must have felt like dignity, because his plans, such as they were, depended upon the involvement of others - persons he felt would give his existence meaning by association, professional people, pillars of society. Year after year, I listened to his plans and proposals, a droning testimony to his inability to understand his own failure, or even to form a basically coherent sentence. Year after year, I listened and I thanked God that it wasn't me.