The first novel from acclaimed poet David M. Briggs, A Legitimate Businessman is an affectionate parody of and critical homage to the works of Andrew Hussie, Garrison Keillor, Quentin Tarantino, and H. P. Lovecraft. Private detective Patrick Sloan has become trapped by machinations targeting every one of his clients. When a lead points to a new crime boss no one else has heard of, Sloan decides the only way out of a mob conspiracy is to make one of his own. Patrick Sloan was a private detective of the highest caliber. "Every last person who came to me for help in the last half a year has wound up dead or missing or both, and the only people on the planet who can help us figure out who the hell is responsible just happen to go by fake names and rob banks." Emphasis on the was. Things have changed. "No money, no family, ain’t eaten in three days? I’m a desperate man, Jack. You boys are the only chance we got at breaking this business, and unless we break it, we ain’t gonna be gettin’ any more cases ever. I’m about the most f**ked I can be, and if I can’t end the case—boys, you better believe I can end us all. So let’s talk." Now he's got a new plan. And it's a plan that nobody likes. Because there's a grudge match between the biggest names in organized crime, and Sloan is about to throw his hat in the ring. "My proposal is simple. We've gotta get an angle on this new guy. You've got the Felton Family breathing down your neck. If you and your friends do me and mine a favor, we'll graciously return it by bringing the heat down hard. Whattaya say?" It takes a thief to catch a thief. To catch a kingpin, it takes... A Legitimate Businessman Rated R for strong language, violence, sci-fi horror, tobacco & alcohol use, some sexuality, and extended sequences of child endangerment depicted in print