PRIMARY HUMAN OPERATIONS What if everyday human actions required official engineering documentation? Primary Human Operations is a collection of 36 deadpan technical protocols that teach you how to perform things you already know perfectly well—such as grasping an object, looking at something, scratching an itch, wearing pants, or staying lying down. Each protocol treats an ordinary human activity as if it were part of a rigorous engineering standard, complete with protocol IDs, intended outcomes, safety considerations, procedures, verification methods, and common execution errors. The language remains completely serious, even while explaining the painfully obvious in meticulous detail. The humor comes from the contrast between the overwhelming technical precision and the utter simplicity of the tasks. Nothing is presented as a joke; every protocol is written with the confidence and formality of an official operating manual. If you enjoy dry, intelligent, deadpan humor—or you've ever wondered what an ISO standard for scratching your nose might look like—this book is for you. Warning: You may never perform an everyday action again without mentally assigning it a protocol number.