Green house

If you think people are born with a green thumb, THINK AGAIN! I used to have a brown thumb. I tried raising all sorts of plants, and no matter what type of plant it was they ALWAYS died! I tried planting rose bushes, and before the beauties could even bloom the bushes had become dried sticks without a touch of green. I tried planting corn, squash, beans and all sorts of vegetables and my garden didn't even produce a single kernel. Not even enough food to feed an ant. Believe me, I am sure that the ants and bees were laughing their heads off at me as they searched for food elsewhere. They sure weren't finding anything to eat in MY YARD! I figured maybe because I was living in Georgia, where red clay was a problem then I would try potted plants instead. I tried flowers, and they died. A friend suggested that I try growing a cactus, so I did, the cactus died. HOW CAN YOU KILL A CACTUS??? Someone else suggested that I try an Aloe Plant, because these things were indestructible. A friend gave me an aloe plant and the poor thing was dead within 3 months. Needless to say my friends quit suggesting things for me to grow. One even told me that if I got a fake plastic plant, with my luck, it would probably die too! I so desperately wanted to see a little lively green plant growing happily in my home. I wanted fresh vegetables for my table. All I found instead was bad luck, wasted money, and a lot of ceremonies where I would go outside, and somberly say goodbye to yet another dead plant. Then one day I discovered air plants! I was at a craft show, and a lady there was selling air plants that were OH SO BEAUTIFUL! She said NO ONE could kill these plants. She told me that all they needed was to be hung in the bathroom, and the steam from the shower would provide all the nutrients they needed. NO DIRT! NO FERTILIZER! They needed nothing except a moist environment that is provided in any bathroom. I was as happy as an ant on a hill of honey when I got home with my new plants. I purchased 3 beautiful air plants, hung them neatly in my bathrooms and basked in the joy of FINALLY seeing a thing of beauty growing in my home. That is until they died. All three of them, yes all three, died. Within a month they were gone, dried up, dead, 3 more somber ceremonies. So much for my green thumb. By this time even I myself was too scared to get a plastic plant. It would probably dry out and die on me too then I would probably have to cut both of my thumbs off!