Buying a car should take an afternoon. Adorable. I’d Rather Schedule a Colonoscopy is a funny, practical car-shopping survival journal for anyone who has battled disappearing online prices, suspicious smells, dealership pressure, mystery fees, and one more trip to “the manager.” Inside are 120 colorful, illustrated pages designed to help buyers organize the facts, compare vehicles, investigate history reports, plan realistic budgets, evaluate test drives, document dealership promises, decode fees, and negotiate the complete out-the-door price. You’ll find vehicle inspection worksheets, test-drive scorecards, ownership-cost comparisons, red-flag bingo, negotiation planners, finance-office survival checklists, candidate comparisons, Captain Gort’s official inspections, and plenty of permission to walk away when the numbers—or the general vibes—are wrong. Whether you’re shopping for a new vehicle, a used car, an SUV, a truck, or anything that reliably starts, this journal helps keep the process organized while making the dealership drama a little more entertaining. A useful and hilarious gift for car buyers, first-time buyers, couples shopping together, and anyone who has ever heard, “What monthly payment were you hoping for?” Because the right vehicle is out there. Probably behind the manager’s office.