Paul Farnsworth is a British author who lives in Derbyshire, where he's kept behind glass and only allowed out once a year to dance amongst the whispering wheat fields and watch rainbows spitting coloured gobbets of fractured light from cloudless skies. He has never been to Wigan, doesn't own a strimmer and any suggestions of impropriety involving a dental technician on or near the premises of Carl's Noodle Emporium in Nottingham are entirely the result of wishful thinking. Some kind biographer has compiled a less interesting account of the fellow on his Wikipedia entry (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paul_Farnsworth).